Now that this dream is almost real, the book trailer for my novel Narrow Girls on a Blue Profound Stage is posted and while I am excited and it feels surreal, it's a strange time to be celebrating anything. I'm just moving through life and publishing my book is part of it. My thoughts are across the globe. But this is here.
The soundtrack is by Jordan Stone. Her mesmerizing song "Like Summer" is available on all streaming platforms.
I know everything
there is to know
about the slope
of your shoulders
The bones
of your rib cage
It's just before dawn
when I realize
I was dreaming again
of you
you.
gaping
open
window
where
you
were
so
long
and i
was
sleeping
I'm sitting on the floor waiting for you, talking to your brother. We haven't seen each other in forever. When you arrive, you tell me you're going away, maybe to school. I touch your shoulder and there is a sort of cleve, a dent, that isn't healing. You don't react to my touch at all. Later in the dream, you're in and out, showing up everywhere, but just for an instant, never staying still.
(Hello? Hello? hello... is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.... is there anyone at home? ~Pink Floyd)
After many years of tweaking, my memoir The Seamstress, first chapter born on this page, has been accepted by a publisher. Here's how it went down -- the long version.
In July 2020, as my hour-long thesis defense was drawing to a close via Zoom, the director of the MFA department said, "I have only one question: what's holding you back?" In that nerve-racking moment I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. My immediate response was, "I've been busy preparing for this damn colloquium for a year." I didn't say damn. But later that night, I remembered he had asked for a list of my publications from 2019-2020. I hadn't had any other than maybe my Medium article on teaching ballet via Zoom which Literally Literary promoted and the Brevity blogpost. I'm pretty sure he was asking why I hadn't yet submitted my book to publishers. Little did he know, I had, and had heard crickets from maybe 2. Honestly, I hadn't tried very hard. I had a new job that took most of my brain and it was true: I was preparing for the colloquium and all the technical formatting crap that must be done before uploading a document into the university library.
Anyway, the next night, I got on DuoTrope (as recommended by our late professor Sherry Simpson) and looked for publishers that matched my genre and voice and sent queries and sample chapters to one that seemed like a perfect fit. As I've published in Atticus Review and the publisher mentions them as a favorite, I thought I might have a fleeting chance. They responded right away and asked for the first three chapters. That was still in July. Then, right around Thanksgiving, they asked for the entire manuscript. I was pretty excited but didn't want to get my hopes up. I submitted it and tried to forget it.
Along came Christmas. I was supposed to go home, but had to cancel at the last minute. I was bummed out and watching an MST3K with my kids but actually absorbed in my phone when I saw an email come through from the publisher with an offer letter attached. Honestly, it was the best Christmas since I was 10 years old and got walkie-talkies. (I can still smell the plastic of those walkie-talkies when I took them out of the box.) Anyway, warm champagne (because who knew?) and a Christmas toast followed. I was pretty damn blissful.
But, I still have reservations about the whole thing. Publishing a memoir comes with skeletons and looming conversations I'd rather not have. So, I spoke with the publisher about throwing out the memoir genre all together and calling it a novel. She was good with that and so I believe that is how I will proceed after changing names and places and passing the book around to most of the people in its pages.
This is a lifelong dream come true, and as I am working on my second book, I hope that demands of life and security don't distract me from my true North. I'll post links once The Seamstress is released.
PS:
Here's what my editor / mentor / professor & author Sherry Simpson wrote to me in 2019 after reading my book:
"Here’s your thesis back. It’s done—it’s beautifully written and really does read like a novel. The dialogue is strong, the dance scenes help me feel what it’s like, the physical setting weaves throughout well, the dialogue is great, and the people are all distinct. I really can’t suggest anything. It’s the best memoir I’ve seen come through the program. I made very few comments, and they’re about small things. Thank you for a thesis (that’s really a book ) that I could read for pleasure."
I only wish she were still on the planet so I could tell her.